It's like I refuse to let myself enjoy even some small progress I have made towards rebuilding my life. I still tend to worry about everything being pulled out from under me. I'm in my early forties, divorced for about 6 years and trying to raise two teens and build a career. I've made some good strides and I am in much better shape than I was in a few years ago but I keep thinking I'm a failure and it will all be taken away.
Why do I always feel stress? Even when everything is going well...I can't put the stressful stuff away?met opera
It sounds like you have an anxiety disorder. I have the same problem and my doctor gave me a medication with no side effects that has changed my life. Please go to your doctor and explain how you feel; sometimes it's a chemical imbalance similar to depression and you are not creating enough serotonin to keep you happy and relaxed. I take a med called "Celexa" and it's really wonderful. I don't feel like a zombie - do yourself a favour and talk to your doctor.
Why do I always feel stress? Even when everything is going well...I can't put the stressful stuff away?movie theatre opera theater
While it is somewhat normal to feel this way, you are going to have to find a way to overcome this. It's almost like you have a fear of failing. I go through the same thing. You are going to have to pray and have faith that everything will be alright. It sounds like you have done pretty good for yourself, but by thinking negative things you are only hurting yourself.
A certain level of stress is unavoidable, in modern society, so it is a good idea to develop effective coping mechanisms. See stress treatments, at ezy build, below on page 42. Practise daily, one of the relaxation techniques on pages 2, 11, 2c, or 2i; whichever works best for you, but the mindfulness breathing for 15 - 20 mns is ideal, although the progressive muscle relaxation can be learned quickly, and takes only several minutes, if pressed for time. Employ the EFT version for use in public, for which you can reasonably claim that you have a headache, as you massage/tap your temples, but it may be advisable to restrict yourself to subvocalising (saying it to yourself, in your mind, not aloud). Section 53, and pages 2, 2.q and 2.o refer. "Even though I sometimes suffer from stress, I deeply and completely accept myself".
You can also multitask, using the gazing technique, as you walk/jog or exercise, by focusing on a distant object, noting any thoughts which flash across your mind, without pursuing any particular train of thought, just gently redirect your focus to the gazing. Yoga, or Tai Chi may suit others, better. For some people, visualisation of a quiet, relaxing scene, like a tropical beach, (feel the sun warming you, as a gentle breeze caresses your skin lightly, inhaling the tangy, salt laden spray from the sparkling, translucent, aqua waves, crashing on the white, sandy beach, as the seagulls swoop and cavort playfully overhead in a cloudless, azure sky; you feel just like one of them; free to soar and cartwheel, or just glide, in the moist, heavy air, and that this moment will last forever.....) works well for them.
Take 4 Omega 3 fish oil supplements, daily, replacing 2 of them with cod liver oil supplements, or a teaspoonful of the oil (I spread mine on toast, and mask its strong taste with fishpaste, and pepper), in the winter months only. Those people who receive adequate exposure to sunlight, daily, won't need the vitamin D from cod liver oil, but many people, particularly those in latitudes far from the equator, find this difficult, to achieve. Eat healthily, in accordance with your "nutritional type" as determined at http://www.mercola.com/ SEARCHBAR.
Try having a cup of "Tension Tamer", herbal tea (from supermarket tea aisles) from Celestial Seasonings, or make some at home, and cool, then bottle, and drink as needed (I find it so strong tasting, that I need to drink it quickly, followed by something like fruit juice, to take away the taste, but others may find it more tolerable). C(h)amomile tea is a more palatable option. As with all herbal/green teas, use lemon/lime, and/or a little sweetener (NOT ARTIFICIAL!!!) but no cream, or milk.
Xylitol, or Stevia is preferable, (health food stores) or fruit sugar (fructose, such as "Fruisana", from supermarket sugar aisles) or even a little honey, because these will reduce "sugar spikes", which later deplete you of energy. Minimise/eliminate consumption of highly processed foods, particularly grain products, such as white bread, donuts, cake, cookies/biscuits, or anything with sugar. Opt for more wholefoods, non-starchy vegetables, and fruit. ~~~ See anxiety treatments, at ezy build (below) in section 6. Set yourself a specific time period for worrying about anything, (say; a half an hour, or an hour, possibly when you get home in the evening, but not too close to bedtime) after which, resolve firmly to refuse to even entertain the thought of worrying again on that day: realise and accept that to do otherwise would be counterproductive to your mental health, and enjoyment of life. You will have had your "worry time" for the day, and can just write down any more thoughts that come to mind, and say to yourself: "Well, I'll just have to worry about that tomorrow, won't I?". Use the technique for reprogramming negative thoughts and internal monologue (self talk), on pages 2, and 2L, to help you in this, and if you find yourself backsliding into your former bad habits, such as: "I keep thinking I'm a failure and it will all be taken away". Some people carry a wide rubber band in their pocket: put it on their wrist; stretch, and release, as a means of reinforcing it, and speeding up the process, re-pocketing it afterwards, but I regard this as being purely optional.
Practice one of the relaxation methods on pages 2, 11, 2c, or 2i, daily, and when needed. Alternatively, give the EFT a good tryout, to see if it helps you. There is also a version for use in public places, (if you like, you can claim to have a headache, as you massage/lightly tap your temples, but you would then be restricted to subvocalising: saying it to yourself in your mind). Section 53, and pages 2, 2.q and 2.o at http://www.ezy-build.net. (.net.nz/~shaneris) [Type, and enter the following URL, in the usual manner: h t t p : / / w w w . e z y - b u i l d . n e t . n z / ~ s h a n e r i s ] "Even though I sometimes suffer from anxiety, I deeply and completely accept myself." Neurofeedback treatment for anxiety is increasingly becoming available. Herbal remedies, such as St.John's wort, arctic root, or Valerian are often effective, but the idea is to use them like water wings, or training wheels on a bicycle, providing initial support, and giving time for other treatments, such as therapy, and relaxation techniques, to take effect.
It is a stressful world.. and some handle it better than others.. and some just don't give a hoot...
You just don't want to go back to where ever it was u were..
I have been there.. and did the same thing...
U must be a responsible person.. with kids.. and it doesn't come easy.. money is tight.. and things just keep getting more expensive.. as a single parent life put more and more on Ur shoulders..
I have raised my kids.. and still single.. and it is some better.. but the best advise I can give u is to stay close to Ur kids.. go to church together and make it family day if only for 4 hours.. .. stop and smell the roses..
U will wonder how time flew so quickly... It is anxiety.. and with good cuz.. but.. U can get thru this..
U might tell Ur Dr.. if u need meds..
good luck..
For some reason beyond me, a lot of Women feel the same way, " I'm a failure" I for one don't think you are, your just in need of a little TLC and rest. Being a Mother 24/7 and working and school is a lot for any one to handle.
Take a break and relax when you get home. This is my time, it is only 30 Min's. but it is my 30 Min's. then back on the train and run the home lady.
Johnny
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